My Submission for the Now Defunct “Wits” Podcast – Extra Ordinary Powers

Alright everyone, thanks for coming out. I have to say this is the most people we’ve seen at the Extra Ordinary Powers support group in sometime! I uh, I hope I brought enough cupcakes! Ehh heh heh heh. Woo. Alrighty. Let’s get started.

For those of you who are new, I always start by introducing myself. My name is Roberto and I have extra ordinary powers. I can understand small song birds and, yes, they are saying exactly what you think they’re saying. I always found it distracting, but now I’ve grown to accept it. That power inspired me to found this group. This safe space for those of us who have something extra… but ordinary. There may be your supermen and your incredible hulks. But what we all need to remember is that just because we’re different from others in our own, extra ordinary ways… that doesn’t mean we’re not human. Well, usually.

Alrighty. Who’s up next?

“I’ll go. My name is Marissa and I have extra ordinary powers.”

Great. Welcome Marissa. What would you like to discuss?

“Well. I sweat a liquid that’s very similar to the classic beverage Tang.”

Ohh. Okay. Okay. Okay. And Marissa, what challenges do you experience because of your ability?

“Um… It’s really just sticky and pretty awkward.”

Sure. Sure. Okay, Marissa, thank you for coming and sharing your power.

Who’s next?

“Hi, I’m Randall.”

And?

“…and I have extra ordinary powers.”

Hi Randall, thank you for coming. You… seem a little distant.

“I dunno. It’s just that I have to speedwalk. Everywhere. And people talk, you know? Randall must want to get out of this meeting. Randall always hustles to the restroom, he must have to go. But Randall wants to run. But he can’t! He just can’t…”

Just let it out. It’s okay. Really. You’re among people here who understand that it’s okay to be different.

“Yeah?”

Yeah. You want a cupcake?

“Yeah. I’m gunna head over there now.”

Alright. Excuse me, you, sir. Would you like to go?

“Hi, I’m Rudy. And I can fly.”

Woah woah woah. Rudy, I gotta be honest, that is a pretty big deal. Maybe you need to attend Tuesday’s Extraordinary Powers support meeting.

“Oh – I. Oh! You guys are saying Extra Ordinary Powers. Oh ho man. How awkward. Well, I’ll show myself out.”

Annnd flying off he goes. Wow. What a showoff. Anyway. Next?

“Hi, I’m Jimothy. And I can fly.”

OH COME ON.

“No, sorry, gosh. I mean I turn INTO a fly.”

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay. WHEW!

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. It’s just that it’s a struggle sometimes, man. Sometimes I can control it and some times I-”

Jimothy? Did anyone else see that? Oh. Oh no. Oh it happened. JIMOTHY. JIMOTHY IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME WE’LL LEAVE YOUR CLOTHING IN ONE OF THE STALLS IN THE MEN’S ROOM. OKAY JIMOTHY. JIMOTHY. Good God, I can’t even see him.

Alright everyone, I think that was a great meeting. We talked and worked out some feelings. This was good. Now, the softball team sign up list is by the cupcakes and if someone has even minimal stretching powers we could really use a better shortstop. Slothguy decided not to come back this year. Okay? Okay! Thanks everybody!

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