The Five Stages of Winter Sickness

  1. Denial: Is that a tickle in my throat? No. I probably just drank something weird. I walked past a smoker. It’s kind of cold out today. Yeah. That’s what’s going on.
  2. Misery: Oh god I’m sick and this is the grossest thing that’s ever happened and I cannot believe this happened to ME or to another human CURSE YOU WHOEVER DID THIS TO ME I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I HAVE STRENGTH AGAIN I WILL COME AT YOU AND
  3. Acceptance: I will never have strength again. I have always been sick. I am the Alpha and the Omega. The Dayquil and the Nyquil. I have used many Kleenex; their carcasses littered around the trash can I attempted to toss them in like sacrificial lambs brought to a volcano only to tumble down the side because my arms are noodles. Do we have noodle soup? Nooooodles.
  4. Lingering: I’m not better but I’m good enough to drag my animated corpse into work. I still look like trash? I sound awful? I shouldn’t be here? I know. Oh, I know.
  5. Morning: Just one day I wake up and feel normal again.


Morning has to be coming. Right?


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