Lessons For The Modern Homemaker #1: How To Wash Your Dishes

Step 1: Round up dishes from any common areas in your home. Nothing will sour your mood like an errant cup discovered afterwards!

Step 2: Remove any large pieces of food on the dishes and dispose of them.

Step 3: Shake off that sad feeling that’s suddenly washed over you – look at you! You’re getting things done!

Step 4: While that casserole dish soaks for a moment, grab a mug.

Step 5: Add a dash of five spice to the mug. Then add a generous portion of honeycrisp apple cider.

Step 6: Heat the mug up for approx. 2 minutes. Check to see if the cider is hot. If it is, add as much Maker’s Mark bourbon as you like. Don’t feel bad if you finish off the bottle, there’s more in the basement and there was that other one you wanted to try. Something Lee. From Buffalo Trace. Anyway, add it to the mug and take a sip. Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that fall? Fall in a glass. The season where we all sink into that realization that soon it will be cold and darker and miserable. Sure, it’s been chilly lately, but it isn’t winter yet and you want to hang on to this as long as you can. How long could those containers of cider last? The basement pantry could hold at least a dozen. Though you’ll look like that crazy lady buying 12 containers of cider at Trader Joe’s. And with your luck you’ll run into that woman from a month or so ago that would not stop talking to you as if she’s always known you. She just kept making direct eye contact. Talking as if she knew you but you don’t look up and she’s talking about couscous and all you want to tell her is ‘Please stop. I just want to be alone for awhile. Please.’

Step 7: Load the dishwasher. Use the air dry option to save energy.